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surprisingly my trip has stirred up a lot of respects and envies. the most likes i ever had in my facebook. 200!
wanted to blog about it but sigh, i am being so lazy or perhaps no motivation to write.

feeling incredibly emotional these few days especially when talking to someone. someone that once used to so close with me and the way he talks now nearly kill me. every single word is HURT. i am not sure what made him changed or maybe it's a guy nature where they reveal the real them after all.

trying to keep some distance particularly for our own good. i personally don;t feel like giving up but i have no idea what's running in his mind. was so headache with this problem and also my assignments and works. but thanks GOD who always treated me so good (give me more than i deserved!) that i have finally get a full time job offer start from next week. so no worries on my bank account and can fully concentrate on my studies.

guess this is what we say "when God closes a door, somewhere he open a window for you".

photo taken in amsterdam, Netherland.

another sunny day!

ahhh. guess what? i'm feeling so guilty. of what? of over drinking, outing, spending, over enjoying too much fun until i'm getting this kinda feeling. something wrong with me? :'(

yes. especially when i not even read a sentence of book in the whole week, when i get tipsy, when i nearly puke, when i had a meal that cost me 30 pounds when i heard my friends around me said that they failed again for this and that subject. bbq. i feel so ashamed and  dare not to think of my parent. how they feel if they know i'm jolly kuat here.

but by doing all these only i feel good. at least i wouldn't get depress and hide in my room with tears and feeling lonely. my problem is yet to be solve, i've no idea what can i do to save this relationship. i pretend that i'm not care, i pretend that i'm strong enough to handle, actually i'm just running off from it.

anyway, here again me and my friend out to enjoy the wonderful day. never knew that i am actually love the sun. so much!

photo are all no filter. surprisingly i didn't look so bloated as in previous post. (:

with the right pose, your leg will magically look longer! and here, mine look so long. hahaha

the blue-est sky! 

it's MAY soon! omg! i pray for time passes slooooooooow please! i gonna miss u THE UK!

holiday with no holiday mood

my 3 weeks holiday is coming to an end soon. holy crap. for the first time, i wish i could fast forward and go back to class asap. oh, don't get me wrong, i am not a hardworking student just i am too boring here. some more recently some one has hit me down.deep down that kind. i never thought we would came into this situation and it is still remain unsolved. i admit it's my fault took him for granted. me wrong. sigh.

photo in uni before my holiday. this is my groupmate from Jordan and Vietnam. Quite handsome la the vietnamese and good to have him in our group. such a smart and hardworking guy.

 

Thought

As my aunt always remind me that money is indeed important especially in relationship. I never denied it tho. Most of people think that students in oversea are from rich or luxury family. But too bad that's not for me. I don't have sufficient funds here so that i have to really plan on my financial and trying to earn for my living as well as travel expenses. On the other hand i also wan to pay back my dad and reduce their burden. So each time thinking of this really make me headache. Argh.

But lucky me have got a job on last month and my paid has been increased from 5.5 pound per hour to 6.5 pound per hour despite i broke 3 glasses and pour on customer I still did a good job la. I keep on praying for second job as this not really cover my rental. sigh. and you know the things here so damn cheap i hardly control myself not to buy. and i cant keep on staying at home without hanging out. such a waste right. but but but all the outing i need to spend. sigh.  

After ngam cham on financial now I have another issue which is friendship. As i said most of the students here are rich, which included my classmate. She keeps asking me for outing or likes to stick with me most of the time. I am not sure is due to the generation gaps (4 years) i feel like am too old to mix with her. Ahh. Or maybe i prefer to be alone, more relaxing more enjoyable or damn it i am an austism. Ok fine, i just being choosy in friend and i really need personal time. really personal that kind. so most of the time, i will be alone walking on the street jogging or shopping. i am enjoying tho. 

lastly, since im a student, i should talk about my studies la. bbq sometime i feel like it is such a shame i am from Malaysia but i need to attend this pre-sessional english class? I should have be able to master in english what. but heck, sometime i can't really understand what people talking. i promise myself i will fully utilize the time in uk here and i will speak a fluent english when im back. IT IS A MUST!

bad-tempered

I have this bad-tempered since I were young. easily get irritated at people beside me, fussy and grumpy when things ain't goes my way.  grrr.  im not sure if this is inherited from my mum as mine is much more worst than her. bbq.

Even my eyes are small but they can come out unlimited tear just like the tap water. sad i cry happy i cry
angry also i will cry. sigh. why is my life can be so dramatic. there was once i went to a mall to buy something and i had an argument with the shopkeeper while arguing my eyes turning red and just feel like cry out loud like he was my bf and dump me in the mall. wtf.

I thought this could be better after i arrive UK as i always thought living alone can develop a better me. but wrong wrong wrong. the PMS continues. and now even after period i still get grumpy and tear off just because my thing can't be done on time. hey, just a little thing not even an issue girl. sigh sigh. level up.